she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
