Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
