I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He shit in the fireplace
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
