If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
