I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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