im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
