So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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