The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Terrible idea I love it
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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