another moral hangover. fuck.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
