i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I still have a little drunk in my system
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
