I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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