also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
