i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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