Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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