I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize