I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
