My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize