hotel room ftw
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize