i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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