At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
how does that bad decision feel?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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