I have demons in me.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
