Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
