grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
