New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
