He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize