He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
