The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize