I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize