omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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