Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize