My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
