20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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