u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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