so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
