I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
