You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
