Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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