I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
