I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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