Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize