He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
