My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
