she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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