If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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