I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Small penises have feelings too.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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