i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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