Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
