I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
