Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
