Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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