i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize