I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
