If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
