so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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