opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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