my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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