so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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