I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize