you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
