I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
