Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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