She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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